i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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