I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.