This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night