i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
try lime green
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?