I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
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Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
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How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam