I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just gift wrapped bread.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.