he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
is that a dick in a sweater?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?