I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just forgot I was standing up.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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