i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?