I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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