That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize