there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
