I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's just like the Real World with babies
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.