I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.