Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
And the cops told us we were all naked.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now