Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.