I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
