i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Well I just put wine in my tea
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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