Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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