Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
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he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
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I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize