How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
ugly people sure do ruin things
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
