im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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