Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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