...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
