She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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