remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
