"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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