I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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