Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
