My hair reeks of homosexuality.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
