So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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