She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
dude. I can hear the air.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
