no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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