Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
