Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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