When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
