O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
