So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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