It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
