I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
