my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
