I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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