I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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