Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
