Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
