I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
