Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.