He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
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I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
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This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line