Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.

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  (512): clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar. http://tfl.nu/1hcy
  Replies (10) Good night (816) Bad night (1739)
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  (845): View more from New York

  People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk

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  (845): People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk http://tfl.nu/qmhf
  Replies (4) Good night (5781) Bad night (632)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.

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  (414): I want to frame my negative pregnancy test. http://tfl.nu/y335
  Replies (26) Good night (7364) Bad night (1180)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's

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  (214): things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's http://tfl.nu/bgm4
  Replies (35) Good night (1359) Bad night (4953)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  He just wants an even tan

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  (860): I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked. (1-860): He just wants an even tan http://tfl.nu/akk9
  Replies (18) Good night (4296) Bad night (1281)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.

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  (904): Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do. http://tfl.nu/0tan
  Replies (18) Good night (6202) Bad night (1548)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.

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  (915): When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free. http://tfl.nu/k11q
  Replies (6) Good night (2637) Bad night (1012)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.

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  (570): I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT. http://tfl.nu/iw7k
  Replies (5) Good night (2393) Bad night (756)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.

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  (614): You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you. http://tfl.nu/0odh
  Replies (8) Good night (2174) Bad night (793)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays

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  (+61): For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays http://tfl.nu/y95k
  Replies (3) Good night (1072) Bad night (569)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.

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  (815): Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time. http://tfl.nu/q2s4
  Replies (27) Good night (4124) Bad night (877)
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?

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  (587): Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant? http://tfl.nu/fsev
  Replies (11) Good night (1503) Bad night (1744)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.

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  (512): I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good. http://tfl.nu/1b0u
  Replies (2) Good night (1040) Bad night (555)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  the boozy kind. is there any other?

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  (508): alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having? (1-508): the boozy kind. is there any other? http://tfl.nu/b6l8
  Replies (4) Good night (856) Bad night (382)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.

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  (989): You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem. http://tfl.nu/ijrf
  Replies (1) Good night (701) Bad night (366)

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