Texts From Last Night

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars

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  (404): Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably (1-404): No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars http://tfl.nu/q62q
  Replies (6) Good night (5654) Bad night (588)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her

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  (780): I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her http://tfl.nu/1b2q
  Replies (22) Good night (1057) Bad night (8220)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.

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  (404): Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic. http://tfl.nu/dv7k
  Replies (27) Good night (3414) Bad night (5209)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys

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  (970): He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys http://tfl.nu/pzx8
  Replies (4) Good night (1039) Bad night (2350)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.

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  (519): We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet. http://tfl.nu/qx6i
  Replies (4) Good night (1049) Bad night (2260)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.

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  (919): Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed. http://tfl.nu/csse
  Replies (9) Good night (3262) Bad night (1080)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  they won't let me drive with my sombrero

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  (757): they won't let me drive with my sombrero http://tfl.nu/1zde
  Replies (9) Good night (2924) Bad night (928)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...

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  (801): If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy... http://tfl.nu/s54g
  Replies (14) Good night (3822) Bad night (791)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.

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  (847): My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan. http://tfl.nu/ww9p
  Replies (10) Good night (2410) Bad night (566)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.

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  (931): Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever. http://tfl.nu/3e6h
  Replies (4) Good night (1458) Bad night (519)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.

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  (814): I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood. http://tfl.nu/fkn8
  Replies (10) Good night (1130) Bad night (461)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.

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  (253): Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts. http://tfl.nu/ycxv
  Replies (4) Good night (1008) Bad night (411)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security

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  (479): He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security http://tfl.nu/nae6
  Replies (2) Good night (665) Bad night (232)
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  (661): View more from California

  Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?

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  (661): Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45? http://tfl.nu/7eh6
  Replies (4) Good night (420) Bad night (239)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?

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  (330): Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex? http://tfl.nu/2s7k
  Replies (9) Good night (483) Bad night (261)

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