you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.