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that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
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