I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
