Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize