It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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