What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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