I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
