I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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