Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
