Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
The ass gains better be worth it
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