saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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