So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
