I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
