Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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